,., decision making

,., decision making (Photo credit: nerovivo)

How my perception changes astounds me. To share how so I’ll begin by saying, I’ve just begun an extended time off work, approximately 3 months. I still have an income during this time but not to the same extent when working full-time.

During 2010 I had a similar period of time off lasting 8 months. In the process of deciding to take the time off in 2010 I experienced a deep fear of not only making this decision, but a fear of the unknown consequences.

I had let society teach me that my identity was embedded in what I did for a living, how much I made, and how big my house was and how much “stuff” it could hold. This was the measurement of what I deemed being a success in life was.

I was not sure of who I’d be if I did not get up in the morning and go to work in the factory. I had become dependent on a lifestyle that had forced me to work every overtime opportunity that was available, leaving me very little time to experience life or myself with my full undivided attention. Something I was traditionally not accustomed to doing.

Who was I and could I be with myself and others without the familiar mask of society’s male employee/factory worker/homeowner?

During the decision-making process of the 2010 “sabbatical”, my friend, who is now my wife, encouraged me to take a leap of faith, which she had more of in God and me than I had in God and myself. I was going through a divorce, selling my house, discarding long-held belongings that were stored and which I had not used or seen in quite a few years.  Being a creature of habit and ritual and totally afraid of change, I made the decision to take the 8 months off, with her encouragement, beginning a journey of discarding my “small” self and becoming familiar with my larger inner spiritual Self, fears and all.

Now what am I going to be?  I’m not going to work every morning, I’m not earning what I should be earning? I’m a man and how do I now determine my worth?

After making it through the 2010 experience and coming out of the other side of it married, moving to a new house, and living lightly, I view the upcoming 2012 experience in an entirely different light. The fear is no longer here. I did not feel overwhelmed or anxious during the decision-making process, but instead experienced a sense of anticipation and joy. I do not worry if I can make ends meet on a reduced income. I no longer wonder what I will do with the extended time I will be spending with myself. I no longer place money and a false sense of self-identity of who I or society think I am ahead of what God knows I really am. I am learning to value time with myself and with the ones I love. I do not have to know exactly what I’m going to do every day and I can be comfortable with letting events unfold as God creates them.  I am not in control, yet I’ve come to appreciate the familiar discomfort of change that leads to growth. My faith in God has grown, changing my perception of who I am, and of how I see the world around me.

My perception of the 2012 experience was transformed, through Sacred Grace, from a fear based one into one of intimacy, joy, anticipation, serenity, continued learning, and increased self-awareness.

How do you see things?

Sacred Grace


About Sacred Grace

I’m an ordinary man who is trying to understand our extraordinary journey.
This entry was posted in Intimacy, Self Awareness, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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